A Different Angle: a random collection of essays and observations, mostly about lesbian/gay/bi issues. © Todd VerBeek, Radio Zero(tm)

"Bye-Bye, Bi"? I Don't Buy. By Todd VerBeek

Maybe I should rephrase that, for clarity. [grin] The question is whether we should tell bisexual people that they are not part of the Network. My answer is that I would not.

The recent ballot proposal to adopt our new Mission Statement raised some troubling questions, as a number of people objected to one word it contained: bisexuals. I want to make it clear that the amendment wasn't intended as a referendum on bisexuality. The Board drafted that Mission Statement simply because we wanted a new one; the old one reflected a different situation in our community, and didn't read as well as we wanted. To me, using the phrase "lesbians, gay men, and bisexuals" just seemed natural, and appropriate.

Some people are uncomfortable with including the term bisexual. It conjures up an image of a married man who sneaks out of the house for anonymous, unsafe sex in a highway rest area, thus endangering both his and his wife's health. Well, such a person may happen to be bisexual, but the more accurate term is "dishonest and irresponsible". Let's not paint all bisexuals with the same brush, because the color simply doesn't match.

Most bisexuals are women and men like you and me, who - for reasons probably not entirely clear to them - are attracted to certain kinds of people. Some of them recognize this at an early age, and may date both men and women from the start. Many deny their attraction to members of the same gender until after they have a husband or wife, and then face the dilemma of what to do about the new realization. Others stay in denial their whole lives, believing that because they are attracted to people of the opposite gender, they are "normal", not "queer". If any of this sounds familiar, it could mean that you are bi... or maybe just gay or lesbian. It's a common experience among many of us, because were are not fundamentally different from each other.

The question of whether we should include bisexuals in the Network is kind of like asking if there should be lesbians and gay men in the military. They're already there. There have always been bisexuals involved in the Network: attending potlucks, serving on committees, and yes, even sitting on the Board. But they usually don't go around calling themselves "bisexual", just like most soldiers and sailors don't go around calling themselves "homosexual".

Within the Network, it seems that not many people are comfortable coming out as bi. Few have the courage to bring up the issue, whether they are bi-identified or not. Others do talk about their bisexuality, but are often ignored. They're invisible... but they're here.

For example, how do you all know that I'm not bi? I choose to identify myself as "gay", though I've used "bisexual" in the past. While I'm not a "classic bisexual" - equally attracted to both women and men - I have on occasion been attracted to some women. And while my sexual history with women is very brief and very, very limited, it does exist. It's part of who I am. Does that make me bi? If not, what more do I have to do to qualify? If so, does it matter?

Last year, we worked hard for an ordinance that would have prohibited discrimination based on orientation. In the coming years, many of us will also be pushing for similar legislation from the state, and encouraging Congress and Pres. Clinton to move forward on the federal level.

If we promote these laws, then we are morally obligated to abide by them... whether they pass or not. And bisexuality is an orientation just like heterosexuality or homosexuality. (See the Kinsey reports on male and female sexuality for documentation.) This doesn't mean affirmative action programs or bisexual quotas. That's not what "sexual orientation" non-discrimination laws are about.

We just need to do what we've been demanding that society do for us: allow the bisexuals who surround us to be open about who they are and who they might love.

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