A Different Angle: a random collection of essays and observations, mostly about lesbian/gay/bi issues. © Todd VerBeek, Radio Zero(tm)

The Quilt - Why?

As I write this, I'm in Traverse City with a bus-load of Western Michigan folks, here to see a display of the Names Project AIDS Memorial Quilt. As I got ready for this trip, thinking about how it was interfering with my other weekend plans, I wondered, "Why am I doing this?"

After all, I saw the entire Quilt just two years ago in Washington. And AIDS hasn't really affected me personally, so I wouldn't expect it to affect me so much. I know a couple of people who have AIDS, and probably many who are infected. But I haven't lost anyone close to me. So why was seeing the Quilt so important?

Even now, at the display, I still don't have an answer. So I've decided to just record what I'm experiencing.

I see a panel for a girl who lived seven months, and one for a man who lived seven decades. I notice birth dates close to my own... these easily could have been my friends. And I see the dates they died... at the age of 26, I've already outlived some of them by a number of years. That gives a rather personal meaning to the expression "too young to die". There's a panel bearing a name that matches the name of an former classmate... I wonder if it's the same person. If so, my first contact with him since school is also my last.

I see panels I didn't see last time. Many of them are simply unfamiliar. But some are clearly new; they have dates on them after that of the Washington display. When I saw the Nazi extermination camp at Dachau, I could take comfort in the knowledge that it represented a tragedy four decades past. Stitched here, I see not only the whole range of the 1980's, but 1990 and 1991 as well. A year from now, 1992 will be appearing, and after that, 1993....

I see panels for the famous (Rock Hudson, Max Robinson, Liberace, Keith Haring), and the anonymous (Jim, Los Ninos, Pop, Unknown Federal Employees). I see panels with religious themes: Christian, Buddhist, Humanist, Jewish. Some panels are filled with peace, others with intense bitterness. There are panels celebrating the lives and the lifestyles of leathermen and of housewives, of preachers and of drag queens. Rainbow flags and pink triangles decorate the panels of so many, bikers and bankers alike.

There are panels for men and for women - a greater proportion of women than I remember seeing in Washington. Many of the panels bear messages written in languages that I don't understand - or in a few cases, even recognize. The epidemic is not isolated to English-speaking Americans, and the Quilt is beginning to reflect that.

Some panels tell all about the deceased, with photos, mementos, and remembrances of their favorite things. Others reflect more the panel-makers, with poems and sorrowful "I Miss You"s accompanied by friends' and families' signatures. Some panels tell very little at all, leaving me to imagine from the style and colors, the real person behind the name, and the people she or he has left behind.

I see signs stating facts about the Quilt. Over two million people have seen it. It now consists of over 14,000 panels, far more than when it nearly covered the Ellipse in Washington. If it were all put together, including the walkways between sections, it would cover 27 acres. Collectively, the panels themselves weigh 16 tons and are stitched together with 32 miles of thread.

I also see signs estimating the tens of thousands of people in Michigan who are infected with HIV. They report that close to 110,000 people have died so far in the United States, with millions more infected - tens of millions worldwide. The numbers boggle the mind. They seem so unreal.

So I think now I understand why I came here today. Numbers are too abstract. The Quilt is something tangible, something real. It gives me something physical that I can experience and begin to understand the full tragedy of this disease. Yes, that's an unpleasant experience. But I need it.

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